


Patience / Love

by ana_kl



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Asexual Character, Fluff, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26171839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana_kl/pseuds/ana_kl
Summary: Auston's heats have always been different and he's not sure if he'll ever find an alpha who accepts that.
Relationships: Frederik Andersen/Auston Matthews
Comments: 10
Kudos: 194





	1. Chapter 1

Auston knows he's a little different when he gets his first heat. He's almost seventeen, right around the age at which he should present, and apparently, his scent becomes intensely flowery and fruity so that's normal, but the rest... isn't. 

Sex Ed and his doctors say that as an omega, his sex drive is supposed to increase when he's in heat. Society and just about every other magazine he sees at the grocery store tell him that he's supposed to want an alpha to be constantly all over him, claiming him, not letting him leave the bedroom. The latter is somewhat true: Auston doesn't want to leave his bedroom when he's in heat. Only sex is the last thing on his mind. Instead, he feels so lethargic that he can barely get out of bed for much else other than food. His heats also make him really hungry and he mostly craves things that are not at all on program, especially his mom's cooking and sugar. Lots of sugar. 

His parents are concerned when his first three heats have him so tired that he practically sleeps through them all. Whether he wants sex or not, he's not supposed to be so out of it that he can't function. He can't go on suppressants until he's eighteen and his body's matured a bit more but even then, he should still be able to do some conditioning exercises at home when he can't go to practice. Instead, he can't even manage stretches and he's pretty sure that he'd actually cry if he had to leave his bed. His mom makes his favorite foods and he feels a little better when he joins his family to eat in the kitchen, but he falls asleep again shortly after they're done. The doctors that his parents make him see tell them it's nothing to worry about; Auston's young and his body is probably just sorting itself out. 

But now, he's in his early twenties and it looks like his body still isn't sure what it's doing, because his heats still make him want to hole up in his room and do little more than sleep and eat. It's not terrible, really. During the season, he takes suppressants, so he's only a little more tired than usual when he gets his heat and he can still play hockey. It's probably how his heats should be by now. 

When it's the off-season though, Auston comes off his suppressants and he admittedly likes having an excuse to do absolutely nothing constructive for a week or so every couple of months. He spends most of the time in his childhood home and he's not complaining about not having to feel embarrassed around his family when he goes into heat, especially since he doesn't have an alpha to spend his heat with. 

It's a little depressing if he thinks about it too much though. He's fine on his own -- he has his dream job, he has a great team and great family and friends. But he can't help it that he does want someone who's more than that, someone in whom he can find refuge from the too busy nights when he has to go from game to media scrum to after party and it just becomes a little too much. Sometimes, he gets so out of it during his heats that he's not fully aware of what's going on around him, but he thinks he'd be conscious enough to know if he had someone to cuddle him in bed and that he'd like it. 

The older he gets, the more unlikely it seems. He's not even 23, but still. Omegas aren't supposed to be as tall or as muscular as him and he knows that a lot of alphas find it unattractive. He remembers one particularly humiliating incident when he was out with the team, celebrating a win with a few drinks. Auston's just sitting at the bar when a guy he thinks is kind of cute and who doesn't know the first thing about hockey starts talking to him. Auston correctly guesses that he's an alpha and he doesn't really want to hook up, but it's an unusual and welcome feeling to know that an attractive alpha noticed him and wants to talk to him. 

Somewhere in conversation, they end up sitting a little closer, close enough that Auston can pick up on the guy's scent. He's definitely an alpha and Auston's a little embarrassed that his woodsy scent makes him want to lean in. The guy notices his scent too, because the next thing Auston knows, he's laughing in disbelief. 

"No way, bro! I would've never have guessed!" He exclaims upon realizing that Auston's an omega, sounding loud even in a packed bar and Auston freezes. 

The guy's not mean about it exactly, but Auston deflates. It's one thing to constantly hear in interviews how his stature and physique are impressive even for an alpha. It's another to be flat out _laughed at_ (and called "bro") by an alpha he found attractive, because he doesn't look the way an omega _should_. 

Somehow, Auston manages to laugh it off, then he finds the guys and tells them he's a little tired, so he's heading back to the hotel. Ever his observant friend, Mitch follows him to their shared room and feeling rejected, unattractive and now also guilty that Mitch ended his night early on his account, Auston starts crying and telling Mitch what happened through his tears. 

Mitch hugs him and knows what to say and do to make him feel a little better, but even when they end up binge watching some terrible reality show, Auston still doesn't feel like himself. Mitch is one of his best friends, but Auston also knows that he doesn't completely understand how he feels. He can't. Mitch is an omega too, but he looks a lot more like a "typical" omega. He's by no means delicate and he's built, but he's not almost obnoxiously tall and broad the way that Auston feels he is. And even if Mitch was, he doesn't really know what it's like to be lonely, because he's always had an alpha. He and Connor have been together since juniors and even now that they're in the show, on opposite sides of Canada, they find a way to make it work. They save up all their curfew exceptions for when one plays in the other's home city and Connor always spends the off-season in Toronto. Auston doesn't need to know all the details about Mitch and Connor's sex life, but he's also pretty sure that Mitch doesn't sleep all his heats away, if the concerned look that Mitch gives him when he confides that that's all he wants to do during his is anything to go by. 

Even if Auston looked "right," he wonders if he'd have an alpha. Who'd want to spend his heat with him, just watching him sleep and stuff his face? 

Auston's unfortunately used to it though: whether his friends and teammates have a subgender or not, whether they're seeing someone of the same sex or not, he's always the third wheel. Literally everyone has someone, even the rookies. And the guys who are currently single have at least had a few longterm, meaningful relationships in the past. If Auston could count his mom's homemade salsa and tortillas as life partners then sure, he's had quality relationships too. But in terms of actual _people,_ what with all the pressure and instability that hockey's brought to his life, sometimes he's surprised that he even has friends at all. 

Maybe it's not so bad being "forever alone." Auston's been asked to commiserate with some of his friends when they're having relationship problems and it makes him wonder what's the point of being in one at all. He gets enough drama from hockey, thank you, and the last thing that he needs is drama from a significant other. But then, when he sees how Connor looks at Mitch, or how Willy's so sweet to Kappy, it kind of makes him feel like he's missing out. Maybe he wouldn't feel quite as bad if he wasn't interested in anyone, but he is. 

Auston's barely 19 when he meets Freddie for the first time. For all of 30 seconds, he finds Freddie extremely intimidating: Freddie's cedar-pine scent gives away that he's an alpha, he's even taller than Auston, is nearly ten years older and he's quiet, like he's always observing everything. Auston finds him attractive. 

Then, he's properly introduced to Freddie, discovers that while he's not as talkative as Mitch (few people are), he's just as warm and approachable in his own way. It doesn't take long before Freddie becomes one of Auston's best friends, despite how immature Auston sometimes feels in comparison, when he sort of invites himself over to Freddie's so that he can eat something that's not take out, a bland or botched attempt at homecooking or reheated leftovers that his mom freezes for him whenever she comes and visits. Freddie teases him about his inability to look after himself, but he always has double the food he was preparing by the time that Auston arrives at his place. 

A few years later, Auston still finds Freddie attractive. 

Freddie's not like other alphas, at least Auston's idea of other alphas. He doesn't treat Auston like he's fragile; he'll chirp him just as much as Mitch and Kappy and he'll give him everything he has on the ice. But he also seems to know when Auston wants someone to be gentle with him and he's happy to cuddle Auston on long flights or when he just wants an alpha to make him feel grounded. He hugs Auston at exactly the right moments, touches him in the subtle but reassuring ways that Auston needs when press conferences or even fans are stressing him out, and Freddie's simply so nice all around that Auston doesn't think he'd mind having an omega who doesn't want sex during their heat or who's almost as tall as him. 

But Auston knows that feeling safe with Freddie and knowing that he can tell him everything is different than Freddie being in love with him. And maybe Auston isn't exactly in love with his teammate, but he's sure that Freddie's someone he could fall in love with. He wants to have a chance with Freddie, but he doesn't think he ever will. Auston knows that Freddie cares about him, but he also knows that Freddie doesn't care about him the way he wishes he would. 

He doesn't know what to do. He might be at an age at which he's more rational about love and relationships than a teenager, but not experienced enough that unrequited crushes don't make his heart feel like it's being ripped out. It's harder being on the same team as Freddie: they're together almost all the time and he gets glimpses into Freddie's personal life that he's pretty sure he wouldn't otherwise have. Sometimes it's nice but other times (and Auston hates himself for it) it hurts too, because he wonders who Freddie's going home with if he doesn't end the night with them, or whether Freddie might already have someone, maybe back home in Denmark, that he just hasn't told them about. And sometimes, he's not sure whether it's the possibility that Freddie's with someone else or that he hasn't told Auston about it that hurts more. 

Auston doesn't know what to do with his feelings, so he does nothing. He thinks about Freddie a lot, wonders longingly what it'd be like to have Freddie's arms around him during his lucid moments in heat and sometimes, he talks to Mitch and Kappy about his (massive) crush on Freddie. It's not productive but unlike Mitch and Kappy, who keep urging him to talk to Freddie about how he feels, he doesn't see how this could possibly result in anything positve. The third or fourth time that Kappy tries to convince to talk to Freddie, Auston nearly has a meltdown because he's sure that the only possible outcomes will be that 1) Freddie will hate him and never talk to him again or 2) Freddie will let him down easy and tell him that he's not interested or that he already has someone. Knowing Freddie, Auston's pretty sure that it'll be the latter, and maybe it would be easier to accept if Freddie hated him outright. Either way, he'll probably get his heart broken. 

Mitch and Kappy drop their efforts to get him to confess to Freddie and Auston tries not to think about him too much. It's difficult, with Freddie being... everywhere, and Auston can't go without hanging out with one of his best friends, so he just tries to deal with it to the best of his ability. 

Of course things go wrong. 

Heat suppressants work, and Auston's work well. He's had a few heats in the NHL during which he feels a bit too tired and like he might actually fall asleep at the bench. But he gets through it and never completely goes into heat the way he does after they win against the Habs. 

It makes sense that he's tired shortly before the end of the final period: it's been a long week for all of them, with two back to back games across the continent and then this. But Auston can immediately tell that it's a different kind of fatigue that's pulling him under and he starts panicking a little when he remembers that there's going to be media after the game. To make matters worse, it's an away game and if his suppressants really don't hold up, he's going to have to spend his heat in a hotel room, a whole flight away from home. 

No one picks up on Auston's impending heat until they're in the locker room after, and Auston's desperately trying to wash out his scent in the shower. He knows that he can't, but he's getting so desperate and he absolutely _can't_ go into heat in the middle of a roadtrip, when he's rooming with Freddie, at that.

By the time he gets out of the shower and gets back into his game day suit, he's anxious, tired and panicky and he's pretty sure that he's not going to make it through media. Freddie notices that he's acting strangely; he's not celebrating the win and is instead biting his lower lip and gripping the bench on which he's sitting. 

"Hey Aus, what's wrong?" Freddie asks softly as he sits down beside Auston, creating a quiet corner for just the two of them that Auston really needs right now. 

"...I... um...I-IthinkI'mgoingintoheat...?" Auston says at once, sounding unsure and even he knows as he's speaking that not a word comes out clearly. 

Freddie leans in like he's trying to hear better, but then he must pick up on Auston's intensifying scent because his eyes widen and he suddenly understands. He must also detect Auston's panic, because he wraps an arm around him and pulls him close. It's reassuring, steadying, and although Auston knows he should put some distance between them, he leans in, instead.

In what feels like a matter of seconds, he's half asleep on Freddie's shoulder and only rouses a little when Freddie gently eases him up and leads him out of the locker room. He's vaguely aware of Coach telling him that he's excused from media and that he should go back to the hotel, then the next thing he knows, he's in an Uber with Freddie and Freddie's...scenting him? Auston's so tired that he barely registers what's going on, but Freddie's definitely nuzzling his neck and holding him closer even than when they were still at the stadium. Whatever is left of Auston's rational mind tells him that Freddie's just being a good friend, looking out for him when they're in a total stranger's vehicle and he's at his most vulnerable, but it also just feels really nice. Auston's never been scented by an alpha before, and certainly not by one who smells as soothing as Freddie does to him. 

Auston sleeps intermittently on the drive back to the hotel, but the spice in Freddie's scent, like cinnamon and cayenne, keeps him just alert enough to get out of the car when they finally arrive. Freddie keeps an arm around Auston's waist as they cross the lobby to the elevator, like he doesn't care who sees. So Auston leans all the way into Freddie's arms once the doors close and he almost falls asleep in the elevator, too.

Freddie leads them to their room and doesn't complain about how much longer it takes them to go down the hall, because he's half carrying Auston. He manages to get their room door open, locks it behind them once they're in and gets Auston to his bed, but then he pauses and suddenly looks uncertain, even through Auston's heat haze. 

"Freddie...?" Auston slurs, curled up on top of the duvet he's too tired to even pull over himself. 

Freddie smiles fondly, but still stands back, like he's not sure what to do and his hesitancy is so unlike what Auston would've associated with an alpha. 

"Do you want me to leave?" Freddie asks gently. "I can wait in the hallway until the guys get back or downstairs and I can switch rooms with Mitch or Kappy if you'd prefer?" 

Freddie's being so polite and so... _Freddie_ that Auston just wants to hug him. Then, he realizes what Freddie's thinking, that like most omegas, Auston's going to want sex during his heat. 

He flushes as he sits up a little, suddenly more awake. He hasn't bothered changing out of his suit yet and he really should, because it's not comfortable at all. He hugs his long legs up to his chest and looks everywhere but at Freddie. 

"...My heats aren't... they're not like that," he starts, his cheeks burning. 

He finally looks up at Freddie, who looks totally puzzled and he sighs, trying to fight off the urge to sleep so he can explain properly. 

"I... um... I never want sex?" He squeaks and swears mentally because this is not off to a good start. "I just get really tired and sleep all day. And eat... a lot," he finishes, leaving out that he really wants cuddles, too.

He feels stupid not only for how he's so reluctant to talk about something so natural but also for how abnormal his body seems when he just says it aloud like that. In all honesty, he doesn't even know if he can get pregnant, like male omegas normally can, or if he's even having "proper" heats at all. 

"Oh," Freddie says and Auston can't look at him. 

He doesn't want to see the confusion on Freddie's face about why he's the way he is or worse still, see Freddie laugh about how strange he is, even though he knows that Freddie wouldn't. 

"So... you won't feel uncomfortable if I stay with you?" Freddie asks next, catching Auston off guard. 

He looks up and instead of walking away, Freddie's still there. He still looks little tense, like he's trying to make himself less imposing, and it's really not something that Auston would've expected an alpha to do. 

"No," Auston says quickly. _Because I trust you more than anyone._ "Actually I... I like hugs when I'm in heat," he starts. "Like more than usual. So if you want to stay... it might help...? Only if you want to," he finishes, stumbling over his words, blushing wildly and kind of wanting to stuff his own tongue in the back of his throat. 

But Freddie smiles and relaxes then, approaching Auston like he would a shy puppy and gives him a hug that he didn't even realize he wanted so badly. 

"'Course I do," Freddie says softly. "Tell me if you change your mind though, ok?" 

Auston nods and snuggles closer to Freddie, knowing he won't change his mind. He still feels almost painfully tired, but he likes having Freddie there. He knows that Freddie's not his alpha, but right now, it doesn't matter. Freddie's there, Freddie _wants_ to be there and Auston's going to let himself enjoy his heat for once, even if it's not going the way a heat should. 

Freddie seems to know what Auston needs despite that they've never done this before. He lets Auston sleep, keeping the curtains drawn and the air conditioning turned on just the way Auston likes. When Auston wakes up sometime in the late evening, Freddie's prepared to order room service and doesn't judge when Auston settles on fish tacos, fries and chocolate cake. Auston flushes when he catches Freddie looking at him with an amused expression as they (Auston) binge eat and binge watch British Bake Off (Freddie gives Auston the remote). 

"They're yam fries," Auston protests, like that somehow makes the meal on program. 

Freddie laughs at him, then looks at him like he's... not just making his way through grease and lying in bed in nothing but sweatpants and a Leaf's sweatshirt. Like he's... beautiful. 

"You're cute, Aus," Freddie smiles, pulling Auston a little closer, greasy food and all, and Auston realizes that Freddie's still next to him in his bed, still holding him because Auston told him that he likes cuddles when he's in heat. 

Auston blushes. Maybe it's because he's in heat, but that Freddie thinks he's cute, even if he's just being nice, makes him feel fuzzy and fluttery. No alpha has ever said anything remotely like that to him. In a sad kind of way, it makes Auston feel like he can ignore how his physique's pretty much identical to Freddie's and focus instead on how he fits right against Freddie's side. He feels safe in a way he didn't know he needed, like it's ok that his heats aren't like everyone else's, like Freddie cares about him no matter what it is that he needs. 

Freddie's amazing throughout Auston's whole heat. When they have to fly back to Toronto the next day, he carries all of Auston's stuff for him, because he knows that Auston's struggling just to stay on his feet. He sits next to Auston on the plane and lets Auston sleep against his shoulder the whole way, almost from the moment they takeoff to landing. Auston's too out of it to notice how Freddie runs his fingers through his hair occasionally or how Mitch and Kappy are stealing glances at them from further up the aisle, _giggling_ between themselves like they know some secret that no one else does.

Maybe they do. 

Freddie drives Auston home and in a brief moment of clarity, Auston asks Freddie if he'll stay and Freddie does, for the duration of his heat. He makes sure that Auston's comfortable, cuddles with him as soon as he gets back from practice and he even gets on the phone with Auston's mom to learn how to make Auston's favorite recipes. Auston actually cries when, towards the end of his heat, he emerges from his bedroom and sees what is unmistakeably his mom's salsa, soup and spiced rice, but sees Freddie at the stove, bent over his phone as he scrutinizes Auston's mom's instructions. He's realizing that Freddie's possibly the best alpha ever and he feels all warm inside that Freddie's chosen to spend his heat with him, and a little sad at the same time, because one day, it'll be someone other than him who gets to be with Freddie like this if there isn't already someone. And then, Auston feels guilty because if Freddie is already with someone, then he shouldn't have asked Freddie to stay... 

Almost immediately, Freddie notices that Auston's crying and he hurries over to him, alarmed. Auston's embarrassed as he fumbles through an explanation about how Freddie didn't have to go so far out of his way for him. Freddie just smiles softly and tells Auston that he wants to, before leaning down a little to kiss his forehead and _oh_ Auston thinks he might be falling in love with his best friend. 

He tries not to think about it too much and it's not hard when there's food (Freddie actually _made_ him chocolate-dipped strawberries) and when he feels tired again shortly after. But when his heat ends a few days later and he still feels the same about Freddie, he wonders what he should do. He knows his heat's over when he wakes up in the morning feeling well rested instead of lethargic. Freddie slept in his bed with him every night of his heat, but he had to leave early for practice and it gives Auston time to think. When he goes to the kitchen after changing his sheets and showering though, he sees that Freddie's left him breakfast and it makes his cheeks flush and his heart race. 

He wraps himself up in a blanket and eats on the couch, trying to figure out what he should do. He's still a little tired and he'll need a few days before he can resume training, but he's coherent now and just doesn't know what to do. He feels like he's gotten to know a different side of Freddie in the past week and he's definitely more attached to him than ever before. He already anticipates getting his heart broken and he's pretty sure he'll end up crying over Freddie for a while, but he'll find a way to get over it for the sake of their friendship. The first thing he needs to do is thank Freddie for taking a whole week out of his life to be with him and even learn to make his favorite foods, so he spends the better part of the day pushing his cooking skills to the absolute limit. 

Five hours later, he's got about fifteen minutes before Freddie gets home, he's called his mom four times in a panic because the meal he planned is _not_ working out, but he finally brings it together and has a chicken and vegetable stew, complete with homemade bread that he really hopes is better than it looks, by the time Freddie gets back. 

He looks suprised when he sees Auston out of bed and even more so when he sees that Auston's cooked. 

"Thanks," Auston smiles a little shyly. "For staying and taking care of me... you really didn't have to." 

"I wanted to, Aus," Freddie says softly, and Auston didn't realize how close they were suddenly standing to each other. 

"Yeah but... I'm sorry if you had other things to do, or if I was kind of annoying and, like, if you have someone, I'm really sorry," Auston manages, blushing and unable to look directly at Freddie. 

This really wasn't how he'd imagined this conversation to go. 

"Auston..." Freddie says so gently that Auston has to look up, sure that his blush is even more intense when Freddie traces his cheekbone with his thumb. "You're not annoying and there's no one else." 

Oh. 

Auston's eyes widen and he doesn't want to get his hopes up, but it sounds like Freddie's saying that... 

He gasps as Freddie leans down a little and kisses him. It's gentle so that Auston can break it at any time but instead, he angles himself a little to deepen their kiss, his hands resting on Freddie's chest as Freddie wraps his arms around his waist and pulls him closer. 

It feels like they're kissing for five full minutes and they're both a little out of breath when they barely pull apart. It's something they'll talk about and say to each other in the following days, but for the first time, Auston doesn't doubt what he sees when Freddie looks at him and he's pretty sure that Freddie can see the same thing in his eyes. They keep kissing and Auston can't believe that this is real, that he finally has someone he knows loves him back. 

He's not sure if he's ever going to have a "normal" heat and even after they make it official, Auston's heats are basically just lazy days in bed with lots of food. But Freddie gets time off for them now and Auston really likes it when Freddie kisses all over his neck when he's in heat, so maybe he will want more someday. He doesn't need to feel pressured anymore though; he knows that Freddie loves him even if he's not quite like everyone else. 


	2. Chapter 2

Courting is a little outdated, but Auston's kind of always wanted it. At some point, he's convinced that he'll never even have an alpha, so he tries to forget all about how nice he thinks it would be for an alpha to put the effort into getting to know him, then think he's worth courting. 

Then he meets Freddie. 

They've been dating for a couple years now and Freddie spends all of Auston's (sluggish) heats with him. Auston's so happy that he finally has an alpha; he's even happier that his alpha is Freddie. Freddie's his best friend, even before he becomes Auston's alpha. He's attentive to Auston and it really shouldn't be much of a surprise that he figures out that Auston wants to be courted without Auston having to say anything. Auston should maybe have caught on when his last videocall home involved his family asking an unusual number of questions about his boyfriend, but it wasn't until Freddie presented him with a bouquet of roses and asked if he could court him that Auston realized he'd really gone the old-fashioned way, asking his parents for permission and everything. It's incredibly sweet and it's everything that Auston had ever wanted and more. 

In a way, it's not too different from dating, which also isn't a lot different from being friends. They hang out together and with friends, go out for dinner and Freddie's there for Auston's heats. He doesn't judge Auston for going through a bag of chips in the course of a day before falling asleep in about fifteen minutes. He brings Auston flowers though, a lot of them as is courting tradition and Auston really likes them. Freddie chooses flowers symbolically too, which makes Auston feel giddy. 

Auston doesn't really care about gifts in and of themselves: it really is the thought that counts and it's not as though he needs stuff. But it's really sweet how Freddie obviously puts so much thought into what he's getting for Auston -- there are the flowers and he also gets a bunch of other courting gifts, some traditional and others not. He brings Auston coffee in the morning, which is much appreciated and reminds him that his alpha's always taking care of his needs. When they have a few days off, he gets a selection of Auston's favorite teas and chocolates -- the fancy gourmet kind they only sell in one corner boutique in downtown Toronto. When Auston's close to his heat and starts feeling tired, Freddie fills the bath tub in the apartment that he and Auston now share with hot water and Auston's favorite bath bombs and soap, then soaks in there for hours with a content and half-asleep Auston in his arms. Freddie can't imagine himself ever buying products that are _that_ sparkly or _that_ violently neon purple and blue of his own accord, but Auston likes them and that's really all that matters. They do smell really good, too. 

Freddie is, in every sense, the perfect alpha. But Auston also knows that courting is supposed to end in bonding... which involves sex. He's not even sure if Freddie means to follow the whole traditional trajectory and ask to bond with Auston after, but it makes Auston feel both elated and really nervous at the same time. He doesn't doubt how Freddie feels about him and he likes the idea of officially being Freddie's. He also knows that Freddie doesn't mind that they're not having sex during Auston's heats. But if they can't have sex even to bond... Auston doesn't know if that would bother Freddie and he's too shy to ask, because what if Freddie doesn't intend to take the courting quite that far? And if he does, and Auston can't really give him that, then...

But it turns out that Freddie is serious about courting Auston all the way, because one night, he asks if Auston would want to bond with him. Auston feels like he's a blushing mess, but then Freddie also looks uncharacteristically shy and it makes Auston's heart melt. 

He does want to bond with Freddie. He really wants to bond with Freddie. He just doesn't know if he can and he ends up crying as he tells Freddie, suddenly really anxious. Freddie's one of the best things that have ever happened to him and he doesn't want to lose him because his body isn't doing what it's supposed to. But Freddie just holds him and tells him it's ok, and he can't help smiling because Auston accepts him. Auston wants to bond with him; he's just worried that he can't. 

"Aus, if you want to, we can try. But a bond doesn't have to be about sex," he kisses Auston and brushes away his tears. 

He knows that sex is a huge source of insecurity for Auston and he wishes that Auston could see himself the way that Freddie did. 

"I still want this with you, if you'll have me," Freddie whispers, kissing Auston softly. 

Auston beams and nods, wrapping his arms around Freddie's neck because the answer could only ever be yes. 

Freddie's gentle with him like he always is and Auston kind of wants to be intimate during his next heat. Since Freddie started spending his heats with him, desire comes on occasion, but it never really lasts and Auston still mostly just feels tired. It's more or less the same when they do bond, but Auston kind of... wants. They're not naked, but they're not fully clothed either and Auston really likes how it feels to have Freddie pressing him into the mattress, kissing him and eventually biting into his neck. It's not usual for an omega to also lay a claim on an alpha, but Freddie encourages Auston to bite him, too. Auston's hesitant at first, but he does and he feels so connected to Freddie, so happy that his alpha sees him as his equal. 

Auston wants to be with Freddie, physically, and Freddie tells him not to push himself. Auston doesn't know what he has to do for his body to respond to his _mate_ the way he supposedly should. They talk about it and Auston's blushing fiercely when he tells Freddie that he wants to have kids with him someday. Freddie just smiles, kisses Auston's hands and looks at him like he's... everything. He never pushes Auston, just kisses him when and where Auston wants, and he imagines what it'll be like if (maybe when) Auston's pregnant. He knows that Auston's going to be beautiful and so will their baby. 

When Auston’s just a little more clingy than usual during his first heat after they're bonded, just a little hot and can't help a little moan that escapes when Freddie's kissing his neck, that makes him blush and Freddie smile before kissing him again, Freddie thinks that a baby might not be so distant in the future. 


	3. Chapter 3

Auston's a virgin, but he's not naive about sex or how he feels about Freddie. He notices his mate, how tall he is, even compared to Auston, how his muscles ripple when he moves and how attractive he finds him. He likes it when Freddie kisses him and runs his hands along his thighs or slips them up his shirt. He never thought that he'd find someone he trusts with everything the way he trusts Freddie. He also kind of likes the idea of going further, he wants to if it's Freddie, but he just... doesn't know how. He knows how sex works, thinks he knows what he's supposed to do, but he just doesn't see himself as able to do it any time soon. 

He's a little embarrassed, but he brings it up with Mitch and Kappy. He probably shouldn't feel self-conscious, but he is. Sometimes, conversation gets a little graphic and it doesn't make Auston uncomfortable; the idea of sex never has. It's just that he's not sure if it's something he wants and even if it's with Freddie, he doesn't know if he'd enjoy having sex. He has so many questions that go unanswered: What does he do? Does he just... lie there and let Freddie do everything? Would it hurt? Is he supposed to scream at some point even if it doesn't feel particularly good? He knows Freddie would do everything he can not to hurt him and make it feel good for him, but what if it just doesn't? What if Auston just can't?

Mitch and Kappy are really supportive and they don't think there's anything wrong with him if he doesn't want sex. He knows Freddie doesn't either: they've talked about it a lot and continue talking about it because it really upsets Auston. Freddie's always so patient with him and even though Auston feels insecure about it sometimes, Freddie manages to convince him that he wants so much more than sex with Auston, that he's not going to tire of him just because he doesn't want to have sex. Auston still feels a little doubtful and inadequate sometimes, because it seems to only make sense that Freddie would want sex at some point and it can't meet his needs when Auston's still not showing any signs of not wanting the same. 

Before Auston met Freddie, he thought that maybe, he'll want sex when he finds the right person. Or maybe he'll want it once he's ready to have a baby. But then he meets Freddie; Freddie is definitely the right person and Auston wants a family with him. Still, he doesn't feel ready for sex and it doesn't change during his heats, either. Sometimes, he wonders if he's so immature that he doesn't have a healthy perspective on sex. He's also wonders if people would make fun of him if they knew he's a virgin. He's 24 and it seems really old to have never had sex. He keeps thinking about how Freddie's in his thirties; he knows he wouldn't be Freddie's first. It doesn't really bother him and in a way, he's a bit relieved that one of them would know what they're doing, but what if he doesn't live up to the others Freddie's been with? That is, if he's even able to go all the way in the first place? 

It eats away at Auston and while Freddie _wants_ to talk about things like this with him, he doubts himself anyways. Everything around him about relationships seems to be about sex: how to have better sex, how to be more seductive in bed, how sex brings couples together. And as far as Auston knows, sex has almost always been part of the relationships Freddie's had before theirs, and Auston can't help wondering if it's a bit of a turn-off for Freddie that he keeps having to wait until Auston's ready, which increasingly seems like never. He wants to, but he doesn't want to; he wishes he'd have a "normal" heat but also doesn't and even though he's pretty sure he wants kids with Freddie one day, he's a little worried that he's going to end up getting pregnant before either of them are ready. Mitch and Connor have apparently had a few scares; Kappy and Willy have had too many to count.

It's all very confusing and a lot to be constantly thinking about whenever he and Freddie are getting kind of intimate. They never go very far and Freddie always seems content just to do whatever Auston's ready to do, but he's torn between wanting to give Freddie more and wanting to experience more with Freddie. 

He ends up telling Freddie everything, just as he's about to go into heat. They've had this discussion quite a few times, but Auston's never really told Freddie everything he's worried about. He knows that Freddie values him beyond sex, so it feels weird to talk about this frankly, like he feels as though Freddie just cares about his body. Auston also feels a little self-conscious talking about pregnancy because he's not sure that it's something Freddie's even thinking about. 

"I...I kind of get it if you're sick of being with me," Auston says quietly, picking at his sleeves and feeling like the worst omega ever. 

"Auston, no," Freddie gently kisses Auston's hands. 

He knows Auston's really self-conscious about this and about a lot of things. It's a lot of pressure to be one of the Leaf's star players; Auston always feels like he needs to live up to his record-setting NHL debut. He really doesn't need to feel pressured to have sex on top of it all, especially when there's nothing to feel pressured about. They could grow old together and never have sex; Freddie just wants Auston. He knows that Auston's always thinking about how he's older and more experienced and shouldn't that meant that he wants more. But if anything, it just means that Freddie's more certain of what he wants than ever and what he wants is Auston. Sure, there are the superficial things, like how sweet Auston smells and how pretty Freddie thinks he is, especially when he's just shaved and his cheeks are soft and smooth. But it's so much more than that. Auston understands him more than anyone else ever has and as much as Auston says he needs Freddie to calm him down, Freddie needs Auston, too. 

"Sex isn't all there is to a relationship, Aus," Freddie says softly, pulling Auston onto his lap. "Sex with you would be... amazing," he admits and they both smile, Auston's cheeks coloring pink. "But we're not having sex unless you want to," he says decisively, resting a hand on Auston's lower back. "I love you," he says against Auston's lips and lets Auston decide to turn it into a kiss. 

"I love you too," Auston smiles against Freddie's lips, feeling more relaxed. 

His heat settles in a little deeper and he pushes Freddie back against the pillows of their bed, still kissing him. Freddie runs his hands along Auston's thighs, the way he knows Auston likes and that he's ok with. Auston's still doesn't have typical heats, but he likes this, recently seems to want more. Freddie's always careful with Auston, paying attention to when Auston genuinely wants more and when he's maybe pushing himself too much. 

Freddie's not expecting anything from Auston; he feels like Auston's already given him everything because he knows how much Auston trusts him. Based on all Auston's previous heats they've spent together, Auston's going to want to sleep soon, but Freddie feels the way Auston shudders and presses closer to him as he carefully kisses the tattoos curving along Auston's collarbones. He nuzzles along the soft skin where he's marked Auston as his mate and Auston whines like he's desperate, his nails digging into Freddie's shoulders as he pulls Freddie closer with quite a bit of force. They pause, looking at each other in surprise because Auston's never reacted so vocally, so physically before. Auston blushes and goes all shy again. Freddie smiles and just brushes along Auston's cheekbone with his thumb before giving Auston a sweet, chaste kiss. Auston doesn't have to tell Freddie to stop; Freddie knows when Auston's starting to get overwhelmed, when his body's getting ahead of his mind even though he won't want to. 

So Freddie makes sure they don't go too far and Auston trusts his alpha to know him better even than himself. His heats aren't normal, they're not a typical alpha-omega couple, but theirs is every bit the relationship that Auston never thought he'd be lucky enough to have.


End file.
